Instinctual attraction or distraction…?

Our lives our governed by relationships and how we establish them shapes the face of them and how we experience them. It all boils down to what we are attracted to and in what degrees we share intimacy with our; selves, work, environment and our social interactions. Attraction is an interesting thing, because it is as ambiguous as it can get. There is however a fine distinction we can make in why some choose the relationships they are in. Today I only want to emphasize one level of attraction or intimacy many of us act from and why this can be limiting for your quality of experiencing others levels of intimacy with a significant other. There are many other levels of relating, more then the scientific community is willing to admit, but for now, I won’t dive into that too much.

You might have observed this in yourself or have seen it in others, but many choices we make stem from our reptilian brain. This is perfectly fine since we need to listen to this part of our brain in order to be strong, healthy and survive. Knowing that health and physical strength is a shared challenge in our age, we can conclude that many of us don’t know how to properly listen to this instinctual part of our intelligence. This intelligence helps us in deciding what the best diet, exercise and rest program is and also which sex partners are optimal for our personal needs. On the other side of the spectrum, do we see that many are completely governed by the reptilian brain, and that they lack the self-mastery to change this. Many choose their spouses solely on social status, gene pool selection or safety without considering other expressions of relating with a significant other. This form of instinctual bonding is just the superficial layer of how we can share intimate contact with a significant other, and it would be unfortunate if we stop exploring here. The same knowledge can be applied in how we choose our jobs and environment. It is simply another relationship in which we can use different parts of the mind to base our decisions upon. Many people choose jobs based on the monthly salary, therefore, choosing from the need of survival, hence the reptilian brain. Other people choose to move to places where the grass is greener, hence making decisions based upon the reptilian brain. Again, the reptilian brain is necessary to fulfil our most basic necessities, but there is a limit to which extend we need to use it in our daily lives. Below is a picture of the brain as we know it in the scientific community, were we can see the first three layers of intelligence.

  • Instinctual relating (Finding satisfaction in the attraction of opposing body types)
  • Emotional relating (Finding enjoyment in each others moods)
  • Mental relating (Finding understanding in each others personalities)


If we talk about the brain, the above picture is quite correct, but if we start talking about the mind, then we are only seeing the tip of the iceberg. When we can enjoy a satisfying sex life with a significant other, we automatically move to others levels of relating. You might also start at the mental and go down to the physical on a later time. Either way, the most pleasure can be gained in satisfying all levels and exploring all levels of intimate contact, without neglecting on or the other.

I won’t go into the other levels of intimacy in this post, since this isn’t the topic for today. When you start to see how the reptilian brain is operating in your life, you can make greater discernments if it is really necessary for your survival or simply a distraction in expressing higher forms of relating. Since many of us operate in a sleepy state of being, does the reptilian brain govern their lives easier. You see, their is a limit to this. On the long term, we seek higher expressions of relating, could it be work, environmental or social, we seek connections that satisfy us on higher levels then just the instinctual.

If you are interested in reading about higher levels of intimacy that talks more about the mind, then I suggest the following link from the Michael Teachings;

If you scroll down to “seven levels of intimacy”, you will see a nice explanation. The chakra system can also be used to illustrate higher levels of intimacy:

The Body’s Chakra System

So ask yourself this question —–> Are your relationships with others, work and environment based around instinctual needs or do you also find satisfaction on higher levels of relating, connection and intimacy?

By knowing on which levels we operate, we gain awareness in which direction we want to go or not to go.

Hope it helps!

Take care,


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